In the thirteen months since graduation I have attended college full time, picked up three different majors, met some new people, committed to many different activities and certainly changed a lot of my perspectives. This would seem like the normal, healthy and average place that a 19/20 year old out of high school should be in. However, while I was busy studying for Psychology exams or writing 2am essays, my friends were off finding people to marry. I collected 10 pounds (which nestled nicely on my hips) and my friends found diamond rings, mortgages and bridal gowns. In just a one years time, I got left behind with life's changing tides.
I shouldn't let it bother me. Even when I was little my "To Do" list began with traveling the world or writing a book, but never with those two diamond glistening words: Get married. I never dressed up as a bride, and even today the white flowing gown wouldn't be my first choice. However, I begin to question what I always thought would bring happiness when I see others so safely and confidently say what happiness is. My friends are content, joyfully radiant in what they call "true love." If it works for them, why wouldn't it work for me? Why don't I join the bandwagon?
After a few of these self defeating questions I have to remember that even though I grew up with these friends, they are not the measuring stick for what I should do with the rest of my life. What works for one person may not work for one another. One person's dreams is not another person's dreams.
I may get married someday. I would be happy with finding somewhat special whom I can call my own. I can envision sitting on porch swings, singing love songs and having someone to talk to every morning. What I can also envision is buying a house, and enjoying the single life of doing things when and how I please. I can imagine raising adoptive children, and being perfectly content enjoying my job, my children, family and social life. Whether I walk down the aisle or not, I will be fine. Either possibility. Fine.
Simply, my fear is not that I won't get married. My fear is that if I don't, I will always live in my friends' shadows, achieving some things but never reaching happiness' full potential. My fear is not that I will be looked down upon. My fear is that I will pitied. Hypothetically, I do wonder. If I never say "I Do", will my friends be just as happy for me when I get my doctorate? Or adopt my child? Or get writing published? Or buy a house? Will these things be the applaud-deserving achievements they are, or will they always be in held in the light of what is missing? (in this case being, a husband.)
My only request is that if I can attend wedding after wedding, put on a smile and shriek at the ring, that they can support me in my future successes and joys. You ask if I have hope that my friends will be this supportive, progressive and open-minded? With a tad bit of doubt, this independent woman says, “I do.” (No punt intended.)
2 comments:
I know how this feels but in a different way. I was the one who got married early and watched all my friends go to college and achieve and do well and grow up. I felt so left behind. The grass isn't always greener, dear friend.
You are on the right track. Plenty of time for marriage at a later time. Get your education and eventually a career. You'll make new friends along the way who will share much more in common with you than your old high school buddies. One of these new best friends will probably eventually become your spouse. Many of those "kids" marrying today may be divorcing tomorrow. Best wishes for your success, no need to hurry life along, it will do that itself.
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